Perlu makan atau nak makan?

Buat pertama kalinya dalam hidup saya dapat membezakan dua keadaan.
1. Kita makan sebab dah tiba waktu makan harian kita atau bila ada makanan di depan mata. atau..
2. Kita makan sebab kita perlu makan pada waktu dan ketika itu.

Pelik bukan? kita selalu makan. Sarapan, minum pagi, makan tengah hari, minum petang, makan malam, makan junk food lagi, kadang-kadang layan cendol, abc, burger, biskut cream cracker dan macam-macam lagi kita makan dalam masa sehari semalam. Yang kita rasa adalah kenyang selepas makan. Puas sbb perut sudah terisi. Atau puas sebab keinginan tercapai.

Last week, 3 hari 3 malam. Apa jua yang saya jamah saya keluarkan semula. Hinggakan minum seteguk air pun saya akan keluarkan semula. Hinggalah hari keempat saya cuba bertahan, tak mampu. Akihirnya, saya terpaksa tinggal di hospital untuk drip. Rupa-rupanya my 'ketone level' dah at the maximum level. Based on Dr. Hanisah explanation, ketone level is our body level yang menunjukkan keadaan at the starvation level, our body akan menyedut zat-zat daripada bahagian badan yang lain. Pendek cerita, at that time the body dah pun berada at the highest dehidration level. Alamak... starvation? tahap kebulur dah saya rupanya.

We had no choice... masuk hospital, masuk air hoping that everything will be better. Kesian baby... kalau ibu dia kebulur, baby mesti tak sihat. Masa ni la dapat rasa bezanya bila minum segelas air pun, rasa dapat sedikit tenaga untuk bangun. Sebelum ni... tak perasan pun. Yang kita perasan.. lapar, dahaga atau teringin nak makan sesuatu walaupun tak lapar masa tu. Agaknya itulah bezanya antara nafsu dan perlu.

After 4 days, memandangkan suami pun nak balik KL, tak sampai hati nak menyusahkan rakan-rakan di melaka, tak sampai hati juga suami asyik tidur dalam kereta, saya minta discharge dan dirujuk ke mana-mana hospital di KL. Alhamdulillah... walaupun belum ok sepenuhnya, saya dibenarkan berehat di rumah sampai hujung minggu. Puas mencuba macam-macam makanan dan minuman... satu jer yang setakat ni baby tak reject. Air Sirap. "Air sirap je baby?". Humble betul baby aku ni... hehehe. Sirap pun sirapla... yang penting ada tenaga nak tulis blog....

The sixth week...

This pregnancy has become more challenging now... and I started to realized that I have to face the different phases of this for another 8 months.

If the first month I ate whatever I can and offered to me... this week I started to reject many things. The baby say NO for oily food, NO for plain water, NO for rice, NO for milky drinks until NO FOR EVERYTHING! It makes me feel very very weak. When spoke to my mother and mother and law... they both said " biasala....memang macam tu". Waaa.... how could I cope with all these? I have classes to go, I have syllabus to be finished by end of this month, many presentations to be evaluated, my research proposal which still pending... and now I'm not able to wake up from my bed...

How difficult it is, this pregnancy makes me feel wonderful being a woman which given the opportunity to go through this wonderful experience. Now I have a friend to talk to; my bestfriend who I carry everywhere. The most wonderful thing is, this baby act like he/she understand what I'm saying. "Baby, Ibu have four classes today, so please don't make Ibu sick ok..." and suddenly I felt like given strength to go to the class and finished all four hours non-stop tutorial. When I felt very difficult to wake up and perform the subuh prayer due to the morning sickness, I talked to the baby. "Baby... solat is wajib, Ibu must perform this subuh prayer, help ibu ok..." and I continously talking to the baby for anything, sharing my feelings, my sickness, my happiness. Wonderful right??

Another chapter begins...

"Life is like a book with many different chapters, some tell of tragedy and others of triumph. Some chapter are dull and ordinary, others intense and exciting. The key to being a success in life is to never stop on a difficult page, to never quit on a tough chapter. Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead."

Alhamdulillah... kenduri in Penang is over. So, no more worries about preparation and invitation. After a few months of marriage, both of us were not really excited about the kenduri anymore. But to fulfill the wish of the family, we just follow whatever planned for us.

After the kenduri, we stayed in Penang for a week. Spent our time with family. So, we took the opportunity to tour the island with Hisham and Kakak (my in laws) and visit Hisham's school.

Hisham was soo... happy

Hisham takut air! at Bt. Feringgi

Rumah P. Ramlee

Bukit Bendera railway

My sister in law

Hisham at school

After the break, back to office.. so many things waiting. Haa.. serve your right zkea. And students... after 2 weeks without classes, start to take for granted. Nobody prepares for the tutorial and it ends up with I scolded every class that I attended that week. The worst part is... I asked everybody to leave the class - something that I never did after 6 years being a lecturer... hahaha...

Last and this coming saturday... I have to work. Invigilate last week and attending workshop organize by FBL this weekend. I was expecting that there will be 3 weeks I will not be able see my husband in KL. But last week, luckily he came. Without a proper house, we met outside and I went back to my rental house while he slept at his friend's. What to do... that's the chapter of life that we have to go through.

And.... Allah is the most merciful. After 4 months of marriage... he gives us something that we really want exactly at the right time. I mean after the kenduri in Penang is over. In malacca, I started to realized that there are a few changes in my physical strength, appetite and definitely mood. That's why I was soo.. moody last week I guess. And once my husband arrived in Malacca and see me, he said "I'm confident that you are pregnant". We went to Jusco, enjoyed stemboat at Johnny's. After that I bought the pregnancy test kit at Guardian but were not really sure whether I'm positively pregnant. We went to the Dr. on Monday (after vomitting since night and nausea) then we confirm that I'm now 5 weeks pregnant. Alhamdulillah...

That's another chapter of our life.. Pray that I'll be given strengths to face this pregnancy without my husband here and pray that it will be easy for me to face everything....